How to Photograph Your Puppy

1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's month and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod, check flash and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand while fending off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
12. Put magazines back on coffee table.
13. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
14. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
15. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say- "No, no outside!"
16. Call non-allergic to dogs girlfriend to help clean up the mess.
17. Fix a drink.
18. Sit back in chair, put your feet up, sip your drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
19. ...or buy a digital camera...