Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions.
Category: Angst/Romance/Humour/UST S/J
Rating: PG
Summary: Fourth part in "An Ordinary Birthday" series.
A/N: This is the next installement of what might possibly be called "An Ordinary Birthday" series. Please read The Big Question, Stealing Answers, License for Distaster first. It is somewhat different from the other parts, darker perhaps but that seemed to be inevitable.
Thanks to chiroho for being a perfectionist. And a huge big thanks to splash_the_cat who allowed this whole thing to get started. I have never written anything together with someone else and it has been a true pleasure to write this.
I hope you enjoy it. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go hide.
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“Shut up” He told her, his head turned towards her, her hair tickling his nose.
She did so like the good soldier she was. Then again, maybe not so good as he noticed the arm wrapped around his waist. He couldn’t remember when that had happened.
He looked back up from her arm and found her gazing at him. Her blue eyes wide with an emotion he didn’t allow himself to recognise. Could it be they were even closer? He could feel her tightly gripping his shirt as their bodies leaned into each other.
His eyes drifted towards her lips, watching how her tongue moistened them, making them even more alluring. Tantalising. His eyes fluttered closed, and he could feel her breath wash over his face as she spoke.
“Sir?” His eyes snapped open again.
“Oh God,” Jack stepped back quickly. “Bad idea.”
She nodded. “Very.”
“I should...” He glanced at her, wishing she didn’t look so damn...
“...go. Yeah, you should.” Sam finished his sentence for him.
“Happy birthday.” He couldn’t help but grin at her before turning around and heading for his car.
“Jack?” She called after him, and his heart skipped a beat as he turned back to face her.
“My driver’s license?” She asked him.
“Oh yeah!” He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten about that. Kneeling down, he pulled the license out of his sock. When he straightened back up again, she was standing within hand’s reach. “Here you are, Carter.” He said, probably more politely than was normal for him. Then again, this wasn’t just an ordinary day.
“Thanks, sir.” She smiled and reached for it. As she did so their fingertips brushed, and their eyes met once again.
“I stole it, Carter. You don’t have to thank me.” He let go of the card with regret.
“I know.” She smirked, and threw him a smile that made his knees weak. She left him standing there as she got into her car and drove off.
***
Sam looked in her rear mirror, seeing Jack still standing right where she had left him. Her fingers gripped the steering wheel as she took a turn. Her head was swimming with impressions as she tried to concentrate on the road in front her. They should forbid driving under the influence of Jack O’Neill.
The drive home passed in a blur, her mind drifting between the heaven his touch had created, and the cold, hard reality of regulations and duty. She pulled her car up in front of her house, turned off the ignition, and got out.
She didn’t bother to turn on the lights after coming in. On auto pilot, she headed towards the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and stood in the dark room for a moment. Taking in a deep breath, she noticed her hands were shaking slightly. They had been playing with fire just now, getting so close to that line they had silently agreed not to cross. And damn her for wanting to cross it. Damn her for instigating this whole messy situation.
She finally moved to turn on the light, crossed to the sink and turned on the tap, leaning against it to support herself. She watched the water flow. The logical part of her mind told her it was a useless waste, so she turned it off again. Looking up, she met her own eyes in the mirror and stood still for a moment, seizing herself up.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Sam asked herself. There was no reply. Shaking her head she stepped back, peeling off her clothes and standing in front of the shower. She closed her eyes and remembered the feel of his hands on her body. She could still smell him, making her regret that she was about to wash it away.
“Get a grip.” She growled softly as she found herself wanting to just go to bed. Forcing her feet to move, she got into the shower. As the warm water hit her body, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to return to his arms. His scent didn’t go away - not even when she started washing herself. It lingered, leaving her vulnerable in a way she couldn’t allow. Annoyed at the indecent thoughts filling her mind, she quickly turned the tap to cold.
It didn’t help, and when she finally got out of the stall and into her night clothes, she could still feel him. As she crawled in bed and wrapped the thin sheets around her, his scent stayed with her. All she could do to keep her mind drifting too far down a path that was way too dangerous was to wonder why it had happened. If it really had happened.
***
Jack couldn’t remember exactly when he had arrived home. Neither could he picture himself taking the scotch out of the cupboard. But as he found himself sitting in the darkness of his living room, the glass weighing heavily in his palm, he had obviously got here somehow.
What he did remember, very clearly, was the feeling of Samantha Carter’s hands roaming over his body. Soft, hasty touches that had left his skin, even now, hours after it happened, burning with fire. The feel of her warm body lightly resting against his, the deep blue eyes looking up at him after he had ordered her to shut up.
He had come close just then. It would have taken just one small movement and his lips would have met hers. So tempting, so alluring... and still they had resisted. Or rather, she had resisted. That one small word had stopped his heart beating in his chest, and brought whole illusion crashing down on them both. An illusion they shouldn’t have created in the first place. He didn’t know what had obsessed them to act the way they did - it was nuts, to put it mildly. And even though his mind knew the truth, he couldn’t help but be grateful for their lapse of sanity.
For the umpteenth time he brought the cool glass to his lips, only to lower it again without drinking. He didn’t want the alcohol to cloud his memories, to change even the smallest touch. Nothing could come close to what had happened between them. Not alcohol, not even his wildest imagination.
God, he really had to stop thinking like this. There was no point in reminiscing. No way in hell would Carter let him get that close again. Sitting here, in the dark for crying out loud, replaying the evening over and over again in his head, would take him straight towards another heartbreak he didn’t need right now. They couldn’t afford this. Too much was at stake.
He groaned as he leaned forward and put the glass down on the table. It was ridiculous. A man in his late 40’s, sitting in his dark house trying to come up with ways to be together with his 15 years younger, forbidden...
That was it! Jack O’Neill launched himself from the couch and quickly turned on all the lights. He wasn’t the man to wallow, and he sure as hell wouldn’t allow anyone, even not himself, to catch him doing it.
So what if he was unable to get closer to the most beautiful, most intelligent, most amazing woman he had ever met? They were both grown ups, they knew this couldn’t happen; and he was pretty sure that Carter wasn’t even thinking twice about it. And while he might be kidding himself in thinking he would ever get over tonight, at least he could try and pretend he would.
Making up his mind that he really could get past this, he decided that he would have a coffee instead. The scotch still wasn’t appealing. He was about to head towards the kitchen when something suddenly made him stop.
The doorbell? Who on earth, or any other planet for that matter, would turn up at his house at this time of the night?
Realising that he had just turned on the lights and could in no way pretend he wasn’t home, he turned around and headed towards the door. He certainly didn’t feel like company, so he would just get rid of whoever was standing outside.
Putting on his annoyed Colonel face, he opened the door with a broad swing. The annoyed look slipped off to be replaced by one of utter surprise.
Samantha Carter, the woman who wasn’t thinking twice about this evening, was standing on his porch... giving him no time to recover as she launched her question at him.
“What the hell just happened?” She demanded.
Jack, naturally, blinked. “You rang my bell?”
She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
He didn’t respond as he was extremely distracted. “Carter, are you wearing what I think you’re wearing?”
Sam blushed and looked down. “Er... yeah?” She bit her lower lip as his eyes slid down her body.
She was wearing a top with spaghetti straps, a blue colour that probably accentuated her eyes; but that wasn’t what was holding his attention at the moment. He couldn’t help but be grateful as the light black raincoat she had pulled on, now hanging open loosely, left him free to partake in the breathtaking sight that was Sam Carter. The graceful lines of her neck, flowing over to her shoulders, smooth skin that looked so promising, soft in the dim light that made it to his porch. Jack swallowed hard and found he couldn’t stop himself from gazing lower, towards an area where he really, really, shouldn’t be looking.
Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod...
Her belly, that was safe. Hips, curves he would love to... Moving lower still, he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed to discover that she was wearing lose, white cotton trousers... which ended right below her knees. Damn, he hadn’t seen that one coming. He tried to swallow another lump in his throat as his eyes travelled over her calves. Sure, he couldn’t see all of her legs, but if the rest was as good as this. Oh man, was he screwed. Terribly, hopelessly, in way over his head.
Although, the boots weren’t really flattering. Even then, they couldn’t detract from the perfect shape of her legs. Oh, what he wouldn’t give for them to...
“Sir?” Sam’s voice pulled him away from his disturbingly distracting thoughts, making him realise he had been ogling his second-in-command.
He quickly looked up, and their eyes met. He wasn’t sure what she saw in his, but she blushed and looked down, staring at his bare feet. “So, what brought you up here, in the middle of the night...” he frowned, “in your pyjamas?”
The question must have made her self-conscious, as she quickly closed the raincoat around her. “I had to know.” She replied, a lot more softly and less confidently than a second ago.
He nodded, trying not to let his surprise show. He never even considered that she would come here to talk about what happened. “Maybe you should come inside. Can’t have you standing here on my porch in... what you’re wearing. People will start talking.” Sure, conveniently hide the fact that you’re dying to get her in your house wearing *that*.
He stepped aside, holding the door open, and Sam quickly pushed past him, apparently glad to get out of the open. He closed the door behind him and followed her into the living room, allowing his eyes to rest on her legs once more.
Sam came to a stop, standing awkwardly next to his couch. “Can I take your...” He motioned towards her coat, and noticing the way she was gripping the cloth, decided it was a dumb question. “Ah, better not.” He answered himself and Sam nodded.
“Probably safer this way,” she agreed.
He noticed her eyes resting on the glass of scotch on the table. “I didn’t have any,” he found himself explaining. He wanted her to be certain that whatever would be said or done here, he wasn’t under the influence of anything. Not that he expected anything to happen, of course.
She nodded and turned towards him. “Sir..., Jack... I...”
He shook his head, wanting to delay the inevitable a bit longer. “Take a seat, Carter. Do you want something to drink? Coffee?”
“No, I’m fine. I don’t think I need any caffeine in my system right now.” She gave him a small smile that caught him off guard, and made his heart skip. She looked amazing, her hair dishevelled, the black raincoat hugging her figure as she drew it around her body, even though he knew it was hot inside. The boots stood in contrast to her beauty, and yet at the same time, made him find her even more adorable.
Knowing she was right, he decided against getting a cup for himself. As she still hadn’t sat down, he did, taking the armchair. He watched her as she followed his example and sat down in the middle of the couch. He knew she was trying to distance herself from him, but at the same time didn’t want him to think she was scared of being too close. A wry laugh escaped his throat as he considered the irony of it all. Her arms were wrapped way too tightly around her to be even close to being at ease.
Her head snapped up at the sound, and her eyes went back to his face. “What?”
“Nothing.” He wished he was holding something in his hands. It didn’t matter what - just something to keep him occupied. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, making it impossible for his hands to wander off.
Sam sighed and copied his posture. “We need to talk about this.”
“Talk about what?” He wasn’t being fair on her. He shouldn’t make this harder than it already was.
“Jack...” She sighed, and he silently cursed that he had given her permission to use his name. How on earth could he ignore her plea if she asked him like that?
“Car... Sam,” he corrected himself, thinking if he could call her that instead of Carter, it would give him the illusion that he wasn’t about to get himself closer to a court martial. “What good will talking about do? There is no way we...”
“I know,” she cut him short, and made him look into her eyes. “I know that.” She whispered.
“Then why are you here?” He wasn’t sure he understood what was going on.
She gave him a dry smile. “I’m not sure. Things got out of hand earlier and...” She closed her eyes. “What happened tonight?”
He sighed. “Do you really want to know?”
“God, we’ve made ourselves a big mess.” She laughed uncomfortably.
“Come on, we’ve been through worse.” Jack tried to comfort her, knowing it wasn’t really that much of a help.
Sam looked into his eyes; she knew what he meant by “worse”. She remembered it all too clearly. Confessions made in circumstances that should have never occurred. “I’m not sure it is.”
Damn! How many times was she gonna catch him off guard tonight? He hadn’t seen that reply coming at all. “Why not?” Jack could only hope she didn’t catch his surprise, but he doubted that she wouldn’t. The way she was gazing into his eyes right now, he knew she could see right through him.
“Because we didn’t know how it felt back then.” She wasn’t talking about the emotions, they had always gone deep. It was the touches they hadn’t known then. A stolen kiss - two for him. But somehow this had gone even deeper, adding another weight on top of it all.
“Sam,” he looked at her pleadingly. “We can’t. What we’re doing, it’s so much bigger than us. And that’s just part of the reason. I won’t ruin your career. I won’t put you through this mess.” He hated himself for saying it, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t.
She smiled at him, not the wry one she had given him earlier, but a genuine smile. One that easily lit up the room and made his heart dance. “I know. I also know we can’t throw it all out the window. Just tell me I’m not crazy. Tell me it’s still there.”
He couldn’t help but grin back. “You need to ask that? After what happened?” She blushed at her own uncertainty. “God, this is going to sound so cliché.” He carefully warned her. “Sam, that will always be there.”
Her smile broadened at his words, relief emanating from her. “Yeah, I think it will be.” She agreed.
He was either getting sappy, or he was just getting old, but even without any big words, Jack knew exactly what his ragged heart needed to know. They sat there, gazing into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Each revelling in the company of the other, enjoying the moment, knowing it wouldn’t last for long. Yet somewhere, beneath the words they had shared, lay a promise, a shimmer of hope for the future.
“I should go,” Sam broke the silence.
He wanted to object, convince her she could stay longer. “Yeah, you probably should.” He admitted reluctantly, knowing it was for the best.
She nodded, and very slowly rose to her feet.
Jack noticed with a smug satisfaction that she no longer attempted to keep her coat closed around her. A small smile crept to his lips as he took in her figure for the last time. She noticed, and he saw her looking towards the door nervously, but he wasn’t certain she was uncomfortable about it.
Realising that Sam was waiting for him to let her out, he stood up as well and walked her to the door. His hands were still itching to get some sort of action, so he quickly shoved them in his pockets, keeping himself from reaching out to her. Their shoulders bumped as they came to a stop in front of the door, and they turned to face each other.
He cleared his throat, and moved his hand to the knob to open the door. Sam was standing very close to him, he realised. Her gaze was downcast, staring at his feet again; the crease on her forehead suggesting that she was struggling to find something to say. He didn’t see what else could be said, going any further would bring them too close to that damned line.
“Carter,...” He started, wanting to put her mind at ease.
She shook her head and looked up, giving him a reassuring smile. “I just want to thank you for a great birthday, Sir.”
“You’re welcome, Carter.” Jack smiled back at her, trying to maintain his cool exterior. In reality, there was a whole school, pack, whatever you called them, of butterflies doing somersaults at warp 10 in his stomach. The fact that her blue eyes were currently looking up at him, a gentle and warm twinkle in them, did nothing to stop his body from having some serious expectations.
Suddenly, and he wasn’t all too sure who made the move, his hand was no longer on the doorknob. The already small space between them had been crossed. His hands had found a way to her shoulders, sneaking under the raincoat. Her skin was as soft as he had imagined. Her fingers were threading through his hair. Those sensations vanished into nothing when compared to the warm and gentle caress of her lips on his. It wasn’t one of those lustful kisses; this was slow and tender. A confirmation of the hope they had just created. A promise of what might be. And if this was just a sample of what was to come, Jack would do anything in order to make sure they got it.
Although he lost himself in the moment, seconds lasting eternities, it did eventually come to an end. They stood in each others embrace, each looking into the others eyes. He wasn’t sure if the heartbeat he could hear was his own or Sams. His thumbs gently stroked her collarbone. “You should go.” His voice was breathless and husky.
Sam nodded and licked her lips, and Jack had to shut his eyes in order to stop himself from capturing her lips with his again. “Yeah, I should.” She agreed, and he felt her hands move down his shoulders and arms before they fell to her side.
He opened his eyes again and smiled at her. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to let go, and finally open the door.
“Night, Colonel.” She gave him one last, warm smile and slipped outside.
Jack sighed and watched her go, allowing himself to take one last look at her legs. “Night, Carter.” He called after her, but it was probably too soft for her to hear.
Grinning more broadly than ever before, Jack closed the door. Oh yeah, he officially loved birthdays.
